Keep on Moving...

In the recent weeks I have not had a choice but to work through things in an primal organic way. Like a survival for my mental wellbeing to stay comfortable in this state of ‘unknown’ feelings of anxiety, tiredness, prioritising, thinking and feeling my way as if on my hands and knees blind searching for my glasses. Well I think I have found them. Hence me blogging! finding my voice again to say something. Weirdly this actually juxtaposes with real life as I am getting new glasses! I have moved house and I realise looking back that I did not absorb the stress of the build up with enormity of moving my family etc …instead I immersed myself into Module 1 in my MA. I thought seeing as I had had a long period of numbness in my mind that the emphasis had to be on and in my mind. In module 1 the focused on reflection and getting my mind to dissect my practice, my life, my motivations and philosophies seemed to sit comfortably with me. However observing and discussing ideas on embodiment and the whole course embedded with mind and body connectivity I realise I have to face the next phase of ‘me’ and not forget my body it cannot be left behind. Sometimes when teaching one spends so much time looking and thinking about the bodies displayed in front of us we forget our own. Well I do. So the physicality of Bikram yoga in half term really has addressed the wakeup call my body and mind needed. Lying in Savasana staring at the ceiling I began to piece my thinking of the last few weeks together. I realised I was connecting with my body again. It then got me to think about times when I have felt a loss of that connection and or shock at the enormity of experiences of life like ‘writer’s block’ to dance. A similar pattern emerged at times of grief, loss, change all have all taken a toll on my body and mind connection and dance has always brought me back. I have always been interested in people and the journey of life and also considering death too, mortality and our time on earth. How we as humans we seek connection with other humans, why we choose the paths we take, who we share our lives with and how time can change us. Over the last day; my questions and ideas have led me closer I hope to…linking together my thoughts and reading over the last few weeks and ultimately my research! Recent events seem to be calming and I am absorbing them as life experiences as part of the journey. As we are all finding out juggling work with study. Art mirrors life or art is life? Many dancers use their own deepest life experiences to fuel their most prominent work. When watching Martha Graham’s piece “Lamentation” it struck me how it depicts grief so clearly and uncomfortably. It speaks a language directly to anyone who has suffered the loss of your own flesh and blood. It is a powerful, visual expression of sorrow. Martha in interview speaks of an audience member that approached her afterwards and thanked her as she had lost a son and had up until that performance not been able to cry. It has done its job very well if it creates any emotion in a human. As that is what art is partly there for? It stirred an emotion to promote healing amidst grieving. Why does a person buy a painting? Why do we listen to a certain song at a certain time? For some it is purely an aesthetic thing or even materialistic thing, for others there has to be a story; there has to be meaning or a memory recalled. To understand this connection between dance as art and its power to heal and communicate link people together on an equal plane even as therapy or learning experience is where my interests lie. I am by no means a therapist but I have seen in my classes young and old gain some sort of therapeutic, creative experience that has nurtured their lives and filled them with something of their own, or made them see things in a different way through ‘the dance’. Looking at dance as a form of creative expression for recovery that has psychological, social and communal benefits such as of a Morris dancing group or a ladies tap group for instance. One thing I have seen in the deterioration of my father and his mobility in his final years and that as soon as your mind gives up on the will to move your body to the best of its ability it is a spiral downwards both mentally and physically. So movement and dance has a place for everyone’s mental and physical health. Anna Halprin’s ideas of an awareness of the body and movement (Thank you Adesola) as a healing medium interested me. Firstly I liked her as a person (from what I could see and read) and I seem to be able to connect with her philosophy not so much “parades and changes” where it mainly comprises of disrobing as to me nakedness (the dancers perform naked) is something I am not impressed by or shocked at. True nakedness to me is something I don’t think I am capable of with anyone… or even myself at times. Nakedness in the exposing of fears, lies and secrets. That would be more shocking. The work I really loved was from when Anna worked with Senior citizens for a year, found an Island and used rocking chairs for them to sit in whilst they moved and danced rocking in the sunshine as she said ‘she had never seen such soulful dancing in her life’. Anna Halprin 2005 Anna went through cancer and remission all that have been expressed through her work to me an inspiring and likeable lady. Whilst recently exploring various choreographers work I have seen in myself a definite like of some things and with others on some occasion’s anger and frustration at my lack of connection with it. I stepped back and thought about this. It’s ok to not like something it doesn’t mean it is not valuable to me or anyone else. It also helped me to decipher where my interests lie.

Motivations...

Today is Saturday and I awoke to a peaceful house and a sunny day. This beginning filled me with positive thoughts. My state of slight panic this week seems to be waning and is replaced by a sense of just get on with it and think, read, watch, listen and all will become clear. It has too! Getting my head deeply into the handbook living and breathing it is a must. I have been thinking about the relationship between the classroom and the teacher. What the teacher’s motives are? And what are the pupil needs and wants? I have also been questioning as I read this week a sentence that has really helped on the thinking as I approach my practice and research. “Discovering the balance between conviction and open-mindeness can be difficult and involves personal honesty” McNiff, Lomax, Whitehead (2003) p21 With this in mind it has been really valuable to me that I commit to a balance between the two. As with lots of reflective, reflexive practice recently my open- mindeness seems to need a bit of conviction and bravery at times. I reflect on this as I approach the opening of my fifth branch of my school and the new relationships that will be built and the new learning I will deliver. I was in conversation with some grandparents yesterday about dance. They were referring to a past school their granddaughter attended and explaining why they stopped going. The reason to me in words seemed slight, but I do understand that what a parent thinks of the teacher and his or her practice is a key influence to what the child participates in. So basically keep them out! Joking aside, back to my questions. They chose to take the child (4 years old) out of the class because when they were observing the teacher. The teacher demonstrated one thing and then when she went to dance it with the children she added some arms that the children were unaware of. It seems ridiculous. I myself have also watched a class at this school when I was thinking of changing schools for my daughter. The things that I observed were; they were very big classes, the less confident children were lost at the back and the emphasis was not on correction posture, alignment which I think is crucial. I did however then look at it from practitioner’s point of view and thought. She is working towards a performance the teacher is under pressure, the children are having fun and that the actual artistry and choreography were lovely. After that observation I didn’t move my daughter. I left her at the ballet school she is in now. The teacher at my daughters school is much older the classes are very small, she is a older, she has a very soft kind voice and she uses a little tape recorder to play her music, her ballet choreography is fine but as for modern, jazz and street it is very simple and dated. However there is something about her and her teaching that I believe is the key. My daughter is shy and I don’t think could be part of a highly competitive environment at this time and for her those precious Saturday mornings they really inspire her to dance. She is now doing character dance and the whole magic of it has caught her attention the shoes the movements. She even says she likes the little rusty tape recorder it all adds to the atmosphere that something different can happen in this space. Something Theatrical, something expressive, yet disciplined? I also feel happy when I see children trying these styles as myself as a Street dance teacher knows how media and popularity influences the dance styles children choose to participate in and that others might seem dated or old fashion, yet they still have much to give young people. Personally to me dance is dance. No boundaries. As adults we can be very quick to make judgements and to change things when what you see is not necessarily how what should be perceived. I see many parents that make judgements on their child’s progress when they may not understand the journey. I realise it is like my MA, it is the journey that is the most important thing and the journey will lead me to my answers. Lead me to my research project. Also this week I watched some footage of Martha Graham teaching, she must have been in her eighties. She talks about taking a life into your hands and what a responsibility it is as a teacher this hits us in our practice daily. She hardly moves as she is sitting teaching. I can interpret her fountain of knowledge and conviction in what she knows and passing on to her students. I also can see how her techniques have layered the ISTD Modern syllabus… well especially the old one. Also the mother figure she is to the girls as I can say I experienced with my ballet teacher and I try to emulate with my pupils. I am there for them, for support and the journey. It is incredible to watch and makes me want to be in training again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aYwjZxBDg0

Metaphorically speaking

The coming together of ideas, questions and learning that is shared in our Skype meetings is so powerful and nourishing.  It also has been great to read through the blogs about our Skype. Mostly throughout our journeys we all experience and feel the same emotions; fear, excitement, confusion.  Another thing shared, are peoples light bulb moments, which are always lovely to hear about and encouraging. However when you haven't had one yet and are waiting in earnest  for it to come when it does arrive you have to write immediately as it is so precious.  I am hoping one will come again!

For me at the start of Module 2 I seem to be following my same learning style and structure as I move forward. To try to gather as much information to understand the next steps I must take. I keep telling myself it will all become a little clearer in the next few weeks just as it did before.  I remember Jamie’s  spider graphs/mind maps and Amber’s pile of books and we all had our own way of approaching the task in hand in Module 1. 

Books that I really connected with were:

Bolton, G (2010), Reflective practice, writing and professional development, London: Sage Publications Ltd

Moon, J, A, (2004). A handbook of reflective and experiential learning theory and practice, London: RoutlageFalmer

Rogers C, R, (1969) Freedom to Learn, Ohio: Charles E. Merill Publishing Company

And of course ANYTHING Dewey!

 

One thing I have found also is that key phrases helped me like a mantra.

“Get to the point”

“Are that many words necessary to make my point?”

“Show where the leaning happened”

“Bring it back to myself”

 

My latest helpful tool does seem to be the metaphors that we spoke about on Sunday.  The one that seems to stick are Adesola’s Salad (with spaghetti) that has helped me understand a how to put together the next piece of work.   I also think of circles so I have attached an Image from The Uncommon Ground: Land Art in Britain 1966-1979 (2014) (Exhibition) Mead Gallery Warwick. 18 January- 8 March 2014 .

As soon as I saw it I thought of Helen and her circles. It’s a good image to keep in mind although I would have them crossing over more and parts of the circles crossing paths.